By Andrew Hard
I've been patient with the BCS. Hell, I was happy when Utah made the Fiesta Bowl in 2004, and I screamed like a schoolgirl when Jared Zabransky pulled off the Statue of Liberty play to put Boise State on the map in 2006. But I watched Northern Illinois beat Kent State in the MAC Championship Game (albeit while drinking and playing Cards Against Humanity). You, Northern Illinois, are no Oklahoma. Add in the fact that it started a chain reaction that may have kept Vandy out of the Gator Bowl and into an ELEVEN AM KICKOFF in Nashville on New Year's Eve, and it's time for me to enact some change.
So, here's the premise. The SEC currently stands at 14 teams. If you know anything about college football, it's that the SEC prints money -- the SEC Network, set to launch in 2014, could be worth up to $720 million in revenue from subscriber fees alone depending on how much the providers like Comcast and AT&T charge. Why is this? SEC fans are rabid about football, and cable fees are structured to make their money off of sports fans paying for the games they want to see (what, you think you pay Comcast $79.95 a month for The Food Network?). This is, by the way, what is driving the rabid conference expansions that's taking place right now -- the Big Ten is willing to take mediocre brands like Maryland and Rutgers because they know people in the DC and NY markets will order their cable subscribers to carry the Big Ten Network so they can see the games. All that money goes back to the conference, and no one makes more in TV contracts than the SEC.
Now have I convinced you yet that the SEC can add whomever it damn well pleases? Imagine a world where the SEC is fed up with the BCS and is able to secede from the NCAA. It sets its own eligibility, compliance, and "improper benefits" rules (which I'm guessing will be a little more lenient), doubles in size from 14 to 28 by paying 14 new teams double what they're currently making in TV money, and it holds its own end-of-season playoff to determine a champion.
This, my friends, is your 28-Team SEC. There are four divisions of seven teams apiece. Each team plays everyone in its own division once, as well as two games from each of the other three divisions. At the end of the year there is an 8-team playoff to determine a champion. How would such a world play out?
Here's who I see the SEC adding:
1. Texas, Texas Tech, Baylor, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State. Raid the Big 12's top half to re-create something of the old Southwest Conference. Strengthen TV foothold in Texas and add Oklahoma.
2. Miami, FSU, UNC, Va. Tech, GT, Clemson. The ACC's upper half, get into VA and NC TV markets.
3. UVA, Louisville, NC State. Just to round it out and preserve some pre-existing rivalries. Also to get some new doormats in the conference now that Vandy is good.
Obviously, no one above the Mason-Dixon line is invited. If we're going to secede, remember, we have to stay away from them "damn Yankees" at all costs (read: Big 10).
Add those 14 to the current 14, and here are your divisions:
1. Red River Division -- Arkansas, Baylor, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State,
Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech
2. Bourbon Whiskey Division -- Kentucky, Louisville, North Carolina,
Tennessee, Vandy, Virginia, Virginia Tech
Wow, Vandy could actually win this division! Before you cry that this is too weak, remember that with NCAA penalties and eligibility issues off the table, UNC and Tennessee could potentially become juggernauts here. You could also call this the Thoroughbreds Division (Charlottesville, Lexington, and Louisville in the mix) or the Bowtie Division (Vandy and UVA).
3. Chick-Fil-A Division -- Clemson, Florida, Georgia, Georgia Tech,
Miami, NC State, South Carolina
Lots of juicy rivalries preserved (UGA-GT, UGA-UF, SC-Clemson), lots of good ones yet to be made. Imagine the potential of Miami and NC State without NCAA issues to deal with! Basically every game in this division is the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Even with four perennial top-15 teams in its division, though, Miami still fails to sell more than 20,000 tickets for every home game.
4. Bible Belt Division -- Alabama, Auburn, Florida State, LSU,
Mississippi State, Missouri, Ole Miss
Let's be honest -- if you could pick the three states most likely to secede from the actual union (other than Texas), you'd go with Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, right? Poor Missouri is a geographical casualty and a mortal lock to never finish with a winning record. You can still play the Iron Bowl and Egg Bowl every year, and Alabama-LSU will always determine who actually wins the "national" title. I see Alabama-FSU being a sneaky good rivalry -- that is, until a full-scale riot breaks out when 'Nole players steal Alabama's cleats and 'Bama fans publicly teabag Chief Osceola before the start of the game.
For further illustration, imagine this hypothetical Vanderbilt schedule -- no UMass, Presbyterian, or Elon; every game is a barn-burner:
Sat. 9/1. @Ole Miss (let's be honest, we all love going to Oxford as often as possible)
Sat. 9/8. UVA (before it gets too cold so we can all still rock boat shoes and lobster shorts)
Sat. 9/15. @Georgia Tech
Sat. 9/22. Louisville
Sat. 9/29. @Texas
Sat. 10/6. Bye (Texas is hard, or so I'm told)
Thu 10/11. Florida State (there will be a Thursday doubleheader every week, but no Fridays because thou shalt not mess with high school football in the South)
Sat. 10/20. @UNC
Sat. 10/27. Baylor (homecoming!)
Sat. 11/3. @Kentucky
Sat. 11/10. Georgia
Sat. 11/17. @Virginia Tech
Sat. 11/24. Tennessee
If Vandy plays that schedule this year, they struggle to get to 7-5. If Notre Dame plays that schedule this year, they go 3-9.
Here's how the playoff works: 8-team bracket, 4 division winners plus 4 "at-large" teams (can't always take 1-2 in division because of potential imbalance, like the NFL). Style points are encouraged, and we will still have endless, mindless debates about things that are out of our control, which seems to be an annual SEC tradition anyway. The at-large teams will be selected by a 3-coach panel currently comprised of Phillip Fulmer, Bobby Petrino and Jackie Sherrill. If we played this out in 2012, here's how I think it would end up:
Quarterfinals (higher seed hosts):
#1 Alabama (Bible Belt Winner) vs. #8 Oklahoma (#4 At-Large) -- ALA 38, OU 14
#2 Georgia (Chick-Fil-A Winner) vs. #7 South Carolina (#3 At-Large) -- UGA 35, SC 7
#3 Texas A&M (Red River Winner) vs. #6 LSU (#2 At-Large) -- A&M 24, LSU 20
#4 UNC (Bourbon Whiskey Winner) vs. #5 Florida (#1 At-Large) -- UF 41, UNC 3
Florida State is crying about getting left out, which is kind of refreshing since in the current system they get an automatic pass to the Orange Bowl every year anyway. In Brad Edwards' Bracketology, the "First 4 Out" goes FSU, Texas, Vandy, Oklahoma State.
Semifinals -- Arlington, TX (Cowboys Stadium) and Atlanta, GA (GA Dome):
#1 Alabama vs. #5 Florida (Arlington) -- ALA 31, UF 14
#2 Georgia vs. #3 Texas A&M (Atlanta) -- A&M 31, UGA 30. Johnny Manziel pulls the road upset with a last-second TD pass followed by a "Kyle Field Leap" into 14 people dressed like Scooby-Doo.
Championship Game -- New Orleans, LA (Superdome):
#1 Alabama vs. #3 Texas A&M -- ALA 29, A&M 24. The script is flipped, but Johnny Football still wins the party on Bourbon Street.
Could this work? Hey, I can dream, right? Remember that this blog is based on an unreachable premise anyway, so pipe dreams are always highly encouraged. Leave your tweaks, comments, and criticisms below, unless you're a Big Ten or Notre Dame fan, in which case you must first justify why your team could win 8 games against the Vandy schedule I hypothesized above.
For more about the origins of this blog, read here. Good luck with finals, everyone.
This is ridiculous/awesome plan.
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